Comedy200312 seasonsTV-14★ 7.5

Two and a Half Men

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Created by Lee Aronsohn

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Episodes

  1. 1

    Pilot

    Sep 22, 200323 min

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

  2. 2

    Big Flappy Bastards

    Sep 29, 200321 min

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

  3. 3

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Oct 6, 200321 min

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

  4. 4

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Oct 13, 200321 min

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

  5. 5

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

    Oct 20, 200319 min

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

  6. 6

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    Oct 27, 200321 min

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

  7. 7

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Nov 3, 200321 min

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

  8. 8

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    Nov 10, 200319 min

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  9. 9

    Phase One, Complete

    Nov 17, 200321 min

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

  10. 10

    Merry Thanksgiving

    Nov 24, 200321 min

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

  11. 11

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    Dec 15, 200320 min

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

  12. 12

    Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Jan 5, 200421 min

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

  13. 13

    Sarah Like Puny Alan

    Jan 12, 200420 min

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

  14. 14

    I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Feb 2, 200421 min

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

  15. 15

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Feb 9, 200421 min

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

  16. 16

    That Was Saliva, Alan

    Feb 16, 200421 min

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

  17. 17

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Feb 23, 200420 min

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

  18. 18

    An Old Flame with a New Wick

    Mar 1, 200421 min

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

  19. 19

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    Mar 22, 200419 min

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

  20. 20

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Apr 19, 200421 min

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

  21. 21

    No Sniffing, No Wowing

    May 3, 200421 min

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

  22. 22

    My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    May 10, 200421 min

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

  23. 23

    Just Like Buffalo

    May 17, 200421 min

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

  24. 24

    Can You Feel My Finger?

    May 24, 200421 min

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

Cast

  • Ashton Kutcher

    Ashton Kutcher

    Walden Schmidt

  • Jon Cryer

    Jon Cryer

    Alan Harper

  • Conchata Ferrell

    Conchata Ferrell

    Berta

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